you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
