Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
