addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
