I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize