Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
