Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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