He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
