and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
