I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
