We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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