i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I need water and some morals
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
