He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
