Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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