I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
