that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
