As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
