Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
