just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
