I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
