I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize