The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
