If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
