I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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