oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
