GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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