two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
