GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
