To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize