About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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