every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
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