We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
