One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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