I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
