Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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