We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
