What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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