is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize