If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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