I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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