i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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