I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
