um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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