SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
