I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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