We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
