Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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