he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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