I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
