So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Randomize
