I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
