Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
