I want to have your abortion
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Randomize
