Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
