but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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