I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
