HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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