Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
only if we run a train.
done.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
