you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
