there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
