Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
