also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize