I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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