Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
