I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
