Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
