I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
