Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Can Purell be used as lube?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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