OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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