my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
