I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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