Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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