Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
