At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I could make wine with my vomit
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
