Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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