Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
