after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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