please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Dignity is for republicans.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
