I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
